


What We Could Have Been

by EgoStorm



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, On AFF
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-01
Updated: 2016-03-01
Packaged: 2018-05-24 05:38:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6143227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EgoStorm/pseuds/EgoStorm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is the story of two high school boys, Seokmin and Soonyoung, and how relationships and feelings began to wear away their inseparable bond. The story of two boys, and what their relationship could have been.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What We Could Have Been

**Seokmin’s POV**

 

Soonyoung and Seokmin were the best of friends. Nothing could ever change that. They lived next door to each other and walked to and from school together every day. No one could ever break them apart. Not even if they were put in different classes. Not even if they weren’t in the same club. When high school began and clubs were recruiting members, Soonyoung joined the Taekwondo club, and Seokmin joined the art club. The time they spent together only decreased by that much, as they still went home together without fail.

 

The two of them were as close as can be. They had the kind of friendship that others longed for, being at complete ease when they were around each other. There were no secrets between them, but at some point in their last year of high school, that started to change.

 

It was a night that they spent at a mutual friend’s house. There were a groups of boys there, and one of them decided to bring soju. A whole lot of it. All of them were young and curious, and drank away to their limits, soon getting tipsy and blabbering away whatever came on their minds. Seokmin ended up not drinking quite so much, since he found the taste of alcohol to be much worse than he anticipated. Of course, he didn’t expect it to taste good, but in reality it just tasted awful. The others didn’t seem to mind though. Especially not Soonyoung. And then it turned out that most of the boys had a weak tolerance for alcohol and fell asleep quickly. Soonyoung was the last one up, along with Seokmin, who was still quite sober.

 

Seokmin started to clean up the mess everyone made. He knew that they wouldn’t want to once they woke up hung over the next morning. He might as well be nice, since he didn’t have anything better to do. Soonyoung didn’t help, but he was in his own world, its doors opened by alcohol. At the moment, he was rambling on about his not-so-great love life, and Seokmin silently listened along.

 

“How is it that in all my life, I’ve never been able to get a girlfriend?”

 

Soonyoung hiccuped as he weakly slammed a fist on the table.

 

“I don’t get it, why don’t girls like me? Look at me, I’m adorable.”

 

He poked his cheek with a finger and made a cute face, trying to prove his point. Then gave up.

 

“It’s not like I’m bad looking. Maybe if they weren’t all so obsessed with that Mingyu guy..”

 

He exhaled, closing his eyes for a bit, before taking another shot of soju.

 

“I’m a good guy, right? Right, Seokmin?”

 

“Yeah, yeah, of course you are,” he replied, paying more attention to his cleaning that to Soonyoung.

 

“Yeah, you’re right. I’m a good guy. Why doesn’t anyone like me?”

 

“I don’t know, Soonyoung.”

 

“What about you, does anyone like you?”

 

“Who knows…”

 

Soonyoung squinted his eyes at Seokmin.

 

“Don’t lie to me. I know that you’ve had girls confess to you before.”

 

“But that was in middle school.”

 

Soonyoung gasped and put a hand on his chest. “So you admit it!” He took another shot of soju.

 

“I bet you’ve already had your first kiss and everything. How could you hide this from me? I’m supposed to know everything about you!”

 

He faked cried. Maybe there were some real tears, but it was all from the alcohol.

 

“I didn’t think a confession from a girl was all that important,” Seokmin said as, he disposed the last of the empty boxes of pizza and chicken. 

 

Seokmin then went to grab some blankets for everyone. He didn’t have enough strength to move them to somewhere more suitable to sleep, so that was the best he could do for them.

 

“Seokmin, don’t leave! I’m not done talking to you,” he said, waving a hand around for whatever reason.

 

“I’ll be back in a minute, don’t worry.”

 

He found blankets in the hallway closet and brought them back to the room, laying one over each of the boys. He gave one to Soonyoung.

 

“Here.”

 

Soonyoung took the blanket from him, but was pouting.

 

“You’re actually really popular, aren’t you? I bet you have a secret girl that you’re hiding from me…”

 

“Maybe you should go to sleep Soonyoung.”

 

Soonyoung tipped over a soju bottle into his glass, but it was empty. He reached over for an unopened bottle, but Seokmin swiftly took it away.

 

“I think that’s enough. You should go to sleep.”

 

“No! I don’t want to! Not when I’m all alone while you have a girlfriend!”

 

Seokmin sighed. “I don’t have a girlfriend…”

 

“But you’ve kissed girls, right? Because you’re so popular!”

 

He didn’t know where Soonyoung was getting all these strange ideas from, but didn’t bother talking reason into the drunkard.

 

“Just go sleep.”

 

“Why you? Is it because you’re good at kissing? Is that it?”

 

Seokmin sighed. “I haven’t kissed any-”

 

“What’s so great about that, huh? How good do you have to be for girls to like you, huh?”

 

Before Seokmin could react, Soonyoung grabbed his face with both his hands and planted a sloppy kiss on his lips.

 

“Heh, that was nothing. I could do better…”

 

Soonyoung fell over, finally passed out from the overconsumption of alcohol.

 

Seokmin was frozen, with a hand to his lips. His cheeks were burning, and his heart was racing, replaying the memory of Soonyoung kissing him. Again. And again. He knew this could only mean one thing.

 

_ Oh shit. _

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Everything changed after that day. Seokmin was in love with his best friend, and he had to try desperately hard not to show it.None of the boys ended up remembering a thing from that night, and Seokmin pretended that he didn’t either. It was easier that way.

 

The relationship between him and Soonyoung hadn’t changed. Much. They still walked to and from school together, and they still spent most of their time together. Only, Seokmin started touching Soonyoung less. When they would laugh at a joke, only Soonyoung would punch Seokmin or slap his leg or back. Seokmin kept his hands to himself. He started fearing that his feelings might show if he didn’t. Or that he might suddenly feel self-conscious. He tried his best to not fall for Soonyoung more than he already had.

 

He found out the hard way that this was pretty much impossible. The more he spent time with him, the more his feelings grew. Even if they were just doing homework together. Even if they were on cleaning duty after class together. Even if they were with other people. Even if they quickly saw each other in passing. He couldn’t stop his feelings from growing stronger. 

 

Seokmin was getting scared. Scared that his feelings for Soonyoung would take over. Scared he would ruin their friendship by doing something stupid. He had to stop himself, but he didn’t know how. Before he knew it, he started to distance himself from Soonyoung just a bit. He was only going to do this until his feelings went away. Then he would go back to being his best friend, and nothing but his best friend.

 

Seokmin would stay extra long in his club, telling the members that he would lock up. Then he would text Soonyoung to go home without him, since the club would run late. He would wake up extra early to go to school and test Soonyoung that he just needed to study before class started. The time they spent together was gradually decreasing, but why weren’t, then, his feelings? He needed to find another way.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Seokmin looked around at all of the couples being made. He must have looked slightly out of place. People only came here to pick up girls, but Seokmin couldn’t bring himself to approach anyone. But he had to, for the sake of preserving his friendship with Soonyoung. He looked around for any girl that looked decently nice and was alone, but something caught his attention.

 

A group of boys were cornering someone against a wall. There was clearly some sort of argument going on. Were they harassing someone? Or maybe worse, were they trying to force a girl to do something she didn’t want?

 

Seokmin feared for the worst and quickly made it to where the boys were. He saw one of them raise their hand to strike the victim, and Seokmin automatically grabbed the hand before it could do any damage.

 

“Who the hell are you?” the boy asked, as the remainder of them looked up at Seokmin.

 

Seokmin looked at the person they were harassing and saw that it was a boy around his age. He looked shaken and slightly battered up. His lip was bleeding, and his eyes wide with terror.

 

“Leave him alone,” Seokmin said firmly.

 

“Or what?” one of them asked intimidatingly.

 

Seokmin pulled out his phone to display it.

 

“Or I’m calling the cops.”

 

The groups of boys looked at each other, very blatantly irritated. One boy’s wrist was still in Seokmin’s grasp, and he yanked it away.

 

“Tch, whatever. Let’s get out of here,” he said. He spat on the floor and walked away, and the rest of them followed.

 

Seokmin turned to the injured boy. “Are you alright?”

 

The boy didn’t answer, and instead hugged Seokmin, crying into his shoulder. Seokmin patted his back to comfort him. When he was done crying, he still didn’t speak.

 

“I’ll take you home. where do you live?”

 

The boy pointed in the direction of his house and then lead the way. Seokmin had his arm over the boy’s shoulders. He felt like he needed to protect the boy. They walked slowly, but it didn’t take that long to get there. They were in front of a large condo. One that screamed that it housed rich residents. Seokmin stopped, since he thought that walking the boy here was good enough, but the boy looked at him with eyes pleading for him not to leave. He gave in and the two continued inside, up the elevator, and in front of the boy’s unit. 

 

“Th-thank you…”

 

“It was nothing.”

 

“No, it wasn’t nothing. No one else cared, but you did. And for that, thank you. Really.”

 

Seokmin put his hands in his pockets and shrugged his shoulders.

 

“Anytime, I guess.”

 

The boy looked down and pulled out his phone. He held it out to Seokmin, still not looking up.

 

“Do you think… we can exchange numbers?”

 

Seokmin looked surprised, but somewhat pleased.

 

“Sure.”

 

He took the phone and input his information before handing the phone back. The boy looked at the new contact.

 

“Lee Seokmin…”

 

Seokmin pulled out his phone.

 

“Here, you can put in your information too.”

 

The boy took the phone to do the same before handing it back to its owner. Seokmin looked at his screen.

 

“Boo Seungkwan?”

 

He looked up at the boy and smiled.

 

“I’ll see you around, Seungkwan!”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Why have you been avoiding me?” Soonyoung asked, with his face far too close to Seokmin’s.

 

Seokmin slowly inched away, trying to slow his rapidly-beating heart. 

 

“What are you talking about?”

 

The two were having lunch together in the classroom. As always, chatter filled the room along with various smells. Seokmin was eating a lunch he brought from home, and Soonyoung was having bread he bought from the cafeteria. Typical.

 

“You’re not a very good liar. You’ve been avoiding me and it’s  _ very _ obvious.”

 

Seokmin knew how to respond to this. He thought of what to respond with a long time ago if Soonyoung ever asked. The problem was that what he would say wasn’t true… yet.

 

“Okay, okay, there’s something I haven’t told you.”

 

Soonyoung brought his face up close again.

 

“What? You never hide anything! What is it?”

 

Seokmin put a hand between them, and Soonyoung got the message and leaned back.

 

“The thing is… I’m going out with someone?”

 

Soonyoung’s eyes went wide. Wider than Seokmin had ever seen them.

 

“WHAT?”

 

The entire classroom got quiet and looked at Soonyoung. Soonyoung looked back and laughed awkwardly, flashing a smile. The class went back to minding their own business, and the noise level increased once again.

 

“What? Why didn’t you tell me! This is huge! Who is it? Does she go to our school?”

 

“Uh, no…”

 

“What’s her name?”

 

_ Crap. _

 

“Uh…” Seokmin tried to think quickly and blurted out the first name he could think of.

 

“Seungkwan.”

 

“Seungkwan? That sounds like a boy’s name.”

 

“That’s because, it is…”

 

“WHAT?” Soonyoung exclaimed again, gaining attention from the class once again. “Sorry… continue on,” he told them.

 

“So… you like guys?”

 

Seokmin took a bite of a rolled egg and chewed thoroughly before swallowing. He didn’t look at Soonyoung.

 

“I guess so.”

 

“How come you never told me?”

 

“I… never knew…”

 

“Oh… How did you find out?”

 

He took a bite of rice, again chewing slowly. He swallowed.

 

“Some guy kissed me and I liked it I guess…”

 

Soonyoung burst out laughing. “I guess that’s one way to find out.”

 

Why was he laughing? He doesn’t know what kind of pain Seokmin went through because of him. Because of the jerk in front of him who decided to kiss him that night. He suddenly lost his appetite and stood up to leave.

 

“Where are you going?”

 

“Bathroom. You can have the rest  of my food.”

 

“Really? You’re the best!” Soonyoung exclaimed as he claimed Seokmin’s lunch.

 

Seokmin left the classroom and went to the rooftop. He sighed loudly at the sky. It was sunny, but to Seokmin, it looked dreary. 

 

“Great. I lied to Soonyoung. I’m such a wonderful best friend.”

 

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and went through the contact list until he found Seungkwan’s name. He wasn’t thinking, but he suddenly saw that he was calling him. He panicked and quickly ended the call. Not long after, there was an incoming call. From Boo Seungkwan.

 

Seokmin reluctantly accepted the call and put the phone next to his ear.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Seokmin? Is that you? You tried to call me, right?”

 

“Oh yeah, sorry. That was an accident.”

 

“Oh…” Seungkwan sounded disappointed. “...I guess I’ll just hang up then-”

 

“Wait”

 

“Hmm?”

 

Seokmin took a deep breath to calm himself. What he was about to do next was crazy. For him, at least. But what was the worst thing that could happen? He would get rejected?

 

“Seungkwan”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“I know it’s never appealing to ask this kind of thing through the phone, but...… would you go out with me?”

 

“............ huh?”

 

Seokmin felt reality punch him in the face. Of course he wouldn’t accept. They had only met once, and they were complete strangers. Not to mention that he was creepy for asking over the phone, and a  _ guy. _

 

“Never mind, that was stupid. Forget I asked, I’m going to hang up-”

 

“No! I mean yes! Wait! Seokmin, wait!”

 

“.....yeah?”

 

“Yes, I want to go out with you. I would be happy to!”

 

Seokmin wasn’t sure what to say. It’s not like he actually expected Seungkwan to agree.

 

“Um, great! Yeah, then I guess I’ll pick you up from school then?”

 

“Sounds good!”

 

When the call ended, Seokmin didn’t know what he was feeling. He felt guilty because he didn’t actually like Seungkwan. He felt thankful that Seungkwan didn’t reject him. He felt hopeful that he might lose his feelings for Soonyoung. He looked up the sky, and it didn’t look quite so dreadful.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Sorry Soonyoung, I can’t go home with you today. I promised Seungkwan that I would pick him up.”

 

“Oh, okay then. See you.”

 

Soonyoung left first. He seemed unfazed by having to go home alone, but that was fine with Seokmin. If he had sulked about it, Seokmin would have no doubt cancelled on Seungkwan immediately. He knew his heart was that weak.

 

Seokmin waited by Seungkwan’s school gates. He went to a private school, which probably had to do with the fact that he was probably rich. At least, that was Seokmin’s reasonable conclusion after seeing that he lived in an upper-class condo.

 

When Seokmin saw Seungkwan emerge from the school building, he smiled and gave a small wave. Seungkwan saw him instantly and started jogging up to him. When he was close, Seokmin noticed that his face wasn’t badly bruised, but his lip had a scab where it had torn the other day.

 

“Hey, Seokmin!”

 

“Hey.”

 

Seungkwan smiled shyly. 

 

“Is there any place in particular you want to go?”

 

“Oh... I didn’t really think about that…”

 

“That’s okay! We can just find a place on the way!”

 

They walked in the direction of Seungkwan’s home, and Seungkwan talked excitedly. He did most of the talking, which made Seokmin feel at ease. It was surprisingly comfortable, even though they hadn’t known each other for long. He learned that Seungkwan’s father was a pilot, and his mother was a stewardess. That’s how they had met. Of course, this meant that Seungkwan was alone at home most of the time, but that was fine because he had plenty of friends. He had also never dated anyone, but he never imagined that anyone would like him. At least, not romantically. So he was really shocked when Seokmin asked him out. But of course, that wasn’t the reason he agreed to it. He liked Seokmin as well, since he was practically his knight in shining armor.

 

Seokmin listened to the talkative Seungkwan, amused at his stories and jokes, but also slightly guilty at giving him false hope. But Seokmin wasn’t just using him. He did have some sort of interest in the boy. It just wasn’t love. But it might turn out that way. After all, that was the reason he asked him out. That he would fall in love with him, or at least fall out of love with Soonyoung.

 

All of a sudden, Seungkwan stopped and pointed to a food stall.

 

“Let’s go there! They have really good ddeokbokki!”

 

Without waiting for a response, Seungkwan pulled Seokmin by the arm toward the stall. 

 

“Please give us two orders of ddeokbokki!” Seungkwan said cheerfully. “Please give us a lot!” He added cutely.

 

“Two orders of ddeokbokki coming up,” the lady said.

 

She put two trays of food in front of the boys and smiled. “I gave you some extra boiled eggs.”

 

“ _ Really? Thank you so much! _ ” Seungkwan said in English.

 

Both the lady and Seokmin giggled at his sudden shift in language, but Seungkwan didn’t notice. He picked up a piping-hot rice cake with his toothpick and blew to get rid of some heat. He cupped his hand under the rice cake so that the sauce wouldn’t spill, then brought it to Seokmin’s face.

 

“Ah~” he said, urging Seokmin to open his mouth.

 

Seokmin smiled at the cute action and opened his mouth. Seungkwan inserted the rice cake in his mouth, and Seokmin chewed the deliciously spicy snack. When he finished the first piece, Seungkwan had another waiting, and Seokmin ate that too. While he was chewing on the second piece, he picked up a rice cake with his own toothpick, and held in up for Seungkwan to eat. Seungkwan took it eagerly, shaking his body to show how delicious he thought it was. The two continued to feed each other until the food was all gone. They thanked the food stall lady, then continued to Seungkwan’s home.

 

“Seungkwan.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“I was wondering, why were those boys after you the other day? You’re not in trouble or anything… are you?”

 

Seungkwan laughed.

 

“Oh, that. Well, I kind of accidently stepped on one of their shoes while I was frolicking around, and they started overreacting, even though I apologized.. Those big bullies. All over a little smudge in their shoe...:”

 

“... you’re kidding…”

 

The two looked at each other for a moment before bursting out in laughter. Seungkwan punched Seokmin’s arm lightly, and Seokmin wrapped an arm around Seungkwan’s shoulder. They stayed that way until they reached Seungkwan’s condo.

 

“I guess I’ll see you later.”

 

“Can you pick me up again tomorrow then?”

 

Seokmin smiled.

 

“Sure.”

 

He turned around to leave, but a hand on his arm turned him around to face Seungkwan again. Seungkwan gave him a quick peck on the cheeks before turning around to input the passcode for the door. He made a mistake the first time, and had to input it again, and when he succeeded, he quickly went in and shut the door. Seokmin watched the whole time with his hand on his cheek where Seungkwan kissed him.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Soonyoung’s POV**

 

“What? You’re going to see your boyfriend  _ again _ ?” asked Soonyoung, pouting slightly. It that been about two weeks since Seokmin announced he had a boyfriend, and during that time, he hadn’t walked home once with Soonyoung. Soonyoung was starting to feel a bit lonely. Maybe really lonely. His best friend was prioritizing his boyfriend over his best friend.

 

“Sorry, I promised. And it’s not like we don’t walk  _ to _ school together,” said Seokmin, as he was packing his things to go home. 

 

“Hey, what if I go with you?”

 

Seokmin gave him a puzzled look.

 

“You mean… to pick up Seungkwan?”

 

“Yeah! That way, everyone’s happy!” Soonyoung gave a cheerful expression.

 

“Uh…”

 

“Come on! You know it’ll be fun!”

 

“I, uh..”

 

“Please~~”

 

“...”

 

“Pretty please~~”

 

Seokmin sighed “Alright, alright. You can come.”

 

“Yes!”

 

The two of them walked toward Seungkwan’s school. At first, Soonyoung didn’t think much of it, but as they got closer, he started getting a little nervous. What kind of guy was it that Seokmin liked? Would Soonyoung approve of him? Would he approve of Soonyoung? How did they even meet? Was this the guy that kissed Seokmin? Just who was this guy?

 

Seokmin stopped, and Soonyoung looked at where they were. A private school? For rich kids? Seokmin was dating some rich kid?

 

“Seokmin!”

 

Soonyoung turned his head to see who called. A cheerful, extroverted looking boy with energy radiating from his entire body. That was his first impression of him, and it turned out to be correct. Appearances aside, wasn’t he kind of similar to Soonyoung?

 

_ No, he’s not like you, Soonyoung. _

 

He snapped out of his thoughts, What was he thinking? Of course this didn’t mean anything. How self-centered could he be to even think that maybe Seokmin might have been attracted to him once? It’s a good thing that it never happened, because Soonyoung was only interested in girls. Probably.

 

He didn’t want to admit it, but ever since Seokmin mentioned that he had a boyfriend, he wondered about it too. Would Soonyoung like boys if one had kissed him? He never even considered it until Seokmin’s boyfriend came into the picture. He thought about it, and realized he didn’t hate it. But that didn’t mean he liked it. He clearly liked girls… but was it possible he liked boys too?

 

“Hey, Seungkwan,” Seokmin greeted as he gave his boyfriend a hug. “I want you to meet my best friend, Soonyoung.”

 

“H-hey, Seungkwan,” he uttered

 

Seokmin laughed and smacked Soonyoung on the back. “What’s wrong? It’s not like you to be nervous when meeting new people.”

 

Soonyoung spouted a quick explanation. “Well, he’s important to you, isn’t he? Of course I would be nervous!” 

 

When Seungkwan heard that, he blushed and looked to the side. “If you say so…”

 

“Okay, introductions are over. Let’s go!” said Seokmin.

 

Seungkwan and Seokmin walked side by side, with their arms looped together. Soonyoung was just a step behind them, since the sidewalk was narrow. He watched all of their interactions like a bystander. Even though he was supposed to be Seokmin’s best friend. He just watched.

 

_ We used to do that too… didn’t we? _

 

Soonyoung felt lonely again. He was jealous. Not because they were lovey-dovey, but because Seungkwan was stealing his best friend from him. Nothing was supposed to ever pull them apart. What happened?

 

_ Seokmin fell in love… _

 

He never thought that he would feel out of place around Seokmin, but he did. Just barely, but the feeling was there. 

 

“Hey guys, actually, there’s something I forgot at school. You guys can go on, and you don’t have to wait for me. That way you can have your date, right? I’ll be going now!”

 

He turned around and jogged lightly back where they came from. He wanted to shake away the slight discomfort, but the exercise wasn’t helping. Maybe, things would be better if he dated someone too? That way, he wouldn’t be so lonely anymore. Yeah, that sounded reasonable. The only problem was that there was no one he was interested in dating. Not at school anyways.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Alright class, settle down. We have a new transfer student coming in today!”

 

The class was even louder than when he made the announcement.

 

“Is it a girl?” asked a boy near the front.

 

“No, it’s not…”

 

A wave of sighs could be heard throughout the classroom. The teacher cleared his throat.

 

“Well then. You can come in now!”

 

The students all looked at the entrance of the class as it opened to reveal a boy, short in stature. His light hair flopped slightly as he walked to the front of the class, and as he turned to face his new classmates. He introduced himself with a deep bow.

 

“My name is Lee Jihoon. Please take care of me.”

 

A couple of boys to the side snickered, and one bellowed, “Are you sure he’s in the right class? I think he belongs in the elementary grades!”

 

Jihoon sent a menacing glare to the boy’s way, but the boy didn’t notice because Soonyoung spoke first.

 

“Hey! Give him a break! He just got here and I’m sure he doesn’t appreciate your comment, and neither do I. Apologize, now!”

 

Soonyoung was one with a strong sense of justice. He developed it early along with his friendship with Seokmin, for Seokmin was prone to bullies. Soonyoung would always tell him to toughen up, but Seokmin could never be anything but nice. So that meant that Soonyoung would have to be strong for the both of them. Seokmin was better now, but he was still easily hurt. So Soonyoung still needed to be strong.

 

“Uh.. uh…yeah, sorry man, it was just a joke…” said the boy, now regretting ever having made the comment.

 

“Yeah..” replied Jihoon, his anger replaced with surprise from Soonyoung’s actions.

 

The teacher cleared his throat again.

 

“You can go sit over there in that empty seat.”

 

“Yes, sir”

 

There was a seat available next to Soonyoung, and that was to be his new seat. He sat down, and Soonyoung immediately scooted his seat closer in order to share his textbook with him. Then, the teacher proceeded with the lecture.

 

Soonyoung thought he was about to fall asleep when the lecture was finally over. Though, it was possible that he nodded off a couple of times. He immediately woke up once the lecture was over though. And then he realized he forgot to introduce himself to Jihoon.

 

“Oh, by the way, I’m Soonyoung.” 

 

He flashed a friendly smile to his neighbor.

 

“Um… thanks.”

 

“Huh? Oh, for the book? No problem. We can share until you get your own!”

 

Jihoon shook his head. 

 

“No, not that. For before…”

 

“Before?”

 

“You know…”

 

Jihoon looked down and played with the pages of the textbook.

 

“When you stood up for me…”

 

Soonyoung realized what he meant.

 

“Oh!” He didn’t know what to say, since people didn’t usually thank him for something like that. Especially not an hour after it happened. He scratched the back of his head. “Yeah, anytime.”

 

Jihoon was still fiddling with the pages.

 

“Do you… think you can show me around school?”

 

“Yeah, sure!”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Jihoon was a pretty cute guy. He seemed pretty tough, but Soonyoung found out very quickly that he was a very warm person. Soonyoung considered them friends, but wasn’t entirely sure what Jihoon thought of them. While he was kind at times, like when he bought Soonyoung bakery goods one day for all of his help his first few days of class, most of the time, he seemed closed off. Not necessarily from the world, but from people. He never hung out with people on his own will. Soonyoung would try to converse with him along with Seokmin, but for some reason, when Seokmin was involved, Jihoon would stop interacting. Did he have something against Seokmin? As far as Soonyoung knew, Seokmin was the greatest guy to be friends with. Even from the opinions of other people. Seokmin was a great guy, and no one could hate him. But why did Jihoon?

 

Soonyoung just didn’t understand it. One time, Soonyoung helped him after school when he was on cleaning duty, even though it wasn’t his turn. Jihoon thanked him by giving him strawberry milk the next day. He didn’t actually say the words, but Soonyoung knew it was a token of appreciation, since Jihoon was not as adept to conversing with people. But when Soonyoung was going to share the milk with Seokmin, knowing it was his favorite, Jihoon stopped him by tugging on his sleeve. Maybe he was okay with having only one friend, which would be Soonyoung. 

 

This time after school, it really was Soonyoung’s turn at cleaning duty. Along with Jun, but the guy ditched, leaving Soonyoung all alone. He was erasing the chalkboard, talking to himself, keeping himself company. Hearing his voice echo in the classroom made it a bit more lonely. His arm was getting a bit tired from erasing the top sections of the board, so he paused. He stopped erasing, but why was there still the rough sound of the eraser against the chalkboard?

 

Soonyoung looked to the side and saw a small boy with light hair erasing as much as he could reach. He couldn’t quite reach the marking on the top, so Soonyoung went behind him and erased what he couldn’t reach. The boy turned around in surprise.

 

“I’m the one that should be shocked. What are you doing here?”

 

Jihoon turned around and started erasing where he left off. “You did the same for me, didn’t you? I’m just repaying the favor.”

 

“But you already paid me back. With strawberry milk.”

 

Jihoon momentarily paused. Soonyoung could have sworn Jihoon’s ears were turning pink.

 

“Like that was even good enough of a payment…”

 

Soonyoung laughed gently. “It was good enough for me. You don’t have to do this. I can take care of the rest.”

 

Jihoon resumed clearing the board. “No. I’ll stay… I wanted to talk to you about something anyways.”

 

“About what?”  Soonyoung joined him in erasing the board.

 

“You see, I have… this friend…”

 

“You have other friends?” gasped Soonyoung jokingly.

 

Jihoon smacked him on the arm with the eraser, leaving a chalky rectangle on his sleeve. Soonyoung tried brushing it off, but at some point, it wouldn’t rub off anymore.

 

“Just listen for five minutes, would you? Anyways, I have this friend... who is a guy… and has feelings for another guy…” Jihoon took a breath and his hand stopped moving. “And that guy.... is you-”

 

Soonyoung gasped loudly, and Jihoon sent him a glare. Soonyoung shrank a little and went back to work after muttering a quick “sorry.”

 

“First of all, how do you feel about that?”

 

Soonyoung scrunched up his face a little as he thought. He thought about Seokmin. And then about Seokmin and his relationship with Seungkwan. He wondered if there was something he envied between them. Was it because they had a special relationship, both being guys? Or was there something more?

 

“I’m not against it,” he said finally. “But I guess how I feel about it depends on who it is, so I can’t tell you with complete certainty.”

 

Jihoon didn’t respond. Soonyoung looked at him.

 

“Jihoon?”

 

“What if…” he looked at Soonyoung in the eyes. “What if it was me that liked you?”

 

Soonyoung dropped the eraser to the floor. Was Jihoon serious? He didn’t look like he was joking. What did he feel about this? What did he feel about Jihoon? Sure, he liked Jihoon and thought he was cute, but did he like him? Is it the same as what Seokmin feels for Seungkwan?

 

“I..  don’t dislike the fact that you like me. I like you too, I mean.. But I don’t know if it’s how you feel about me…”

 

He then remembered what Seokmin told him when he first said he liked boys. Some boy had kissed him and he liked it. What if Soonyoung was the same way?

 

“Actually, I don’t think I would know unless you kissed me. I know that’s kind of an awful thing to make you do, but if you wouldn’t mind-”

 

Soonyoung’s words were halted when Jihoon leaned up at pressed their lips together.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

**Seokmin’s POV**

 

“So… I got a boyfriend.”

 

Seokmin’s heart dropped at the words. What was he saying? Soonyoung liked girls. The only reason Seokmin knew he didn’t have a chance with him, was the fact that he liked girls and girls alone. What was he saying about getting a boyfriend?

 

“What?”

 

Soonyoung blushed. “Yeah, actually, it’s the transfer student, Jihoon. We… started going out yesterday.”

 

“I thought you liked girls.”

 

Soonyoung chuckled.

 

“I thought I did too, but then Jihoon kissed me, and I liked it. Same as you, I guess.”

 

Seokmin felt dizzy. Was this a dream? What should he do? Should he confess to Soonyoung now? Maybe he would accept it. 

 

_ But Soonyoung was with Jihoon now. _

 

_ Oh right, and I have Seungkwan. _

 

“Oh hey, Jihoon.”

 

Seokmin looked up from his seat and saw Jihoon looking at him for a brief second before looking up at Soonyoung. He didn’t say anything, but nodded his head to acknowledge Soonyoung’s greeting.

 

Seokmin laughed at himself. What was he thinking? He was nothing like Jihoon. Even if he confessed to Soonyoung, Soonyoung would choose Jihoon over him. That’s why they were dating. Because Soonyoung chose him.

 

“I’m going to get to air real quick,” seokmin said as he got up from his seat.

 

“Where are you going? Class starts in five minutes,” said Soonyoung

 

“I’ll be back by then.”

 

Seokmin walked up the stairs, all the way to the rooftop. Where he first asked Seungkwan out over a call. Like last time, he pulled out his phone. This time though, he called Seungkwan intantionally.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Hey Seungkwan.”

 

“Seokmin!  _ My wonderful darling! _ What’s up?”

 

Seokmin smiled, like he always did with Seungkwan. He had come to develop real feelings for the boy, and enjoyed spending time with him. While being around Soonyoung sometimes cause him pain, he was always happy around Seungkwan.

 

“Nothing. I just wanted to hear your voice.”

 

“...”

 

“Seungkwan?”

 

“I have an important test today, but now all I’m going to be thinking about it you…”

 

Seokmin couldn’t see it, but he could tell Seungkwan was sulking. He found it cute.

 

“I’ll make it up to you then. What do you say to a movie this weekend?”

 

“Now I  _ really  _ won’t be able to concentrate on my test…”

 

“I’ll take that as a yes?”

 

“... add in some snacks and I might just agree.”

 

Seokmin laughed brightly.

 

“Don’t worry, I won’t forget snacks. Good luck on your test!.”

 

“If I fail, just know it’s  _ your _ fault.”

 

“Okay, okay. Bye.”

 

“Bye.”

 

Seokmin felt much better after the phone call. Seungkwan was just so healing. He was happy to have found him that day on the street. Even though Seokmin saved him that day from that group of boys, it might just be that Seungkwan was the one who saved Seokmin.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

About two weeks have passed since Soonyoung and Jihoon started going out. By now, they were more open to pda, clasping hands during lectures. At the same time, Seokmin called Seungkwan during school much more often. It was becoming routine. Seokmin and Soonyoung were still best friends, but it seemed like their priorities were starting to shift. Seokmin was starting to get used to it. He wasn’t as hurt when he saw Soonyoung and Jihoon together, since Seungkwan was there for him. But Soonyoung must have been bothered by their lack of attention to each other, so he proposed the brilliant idea of them having a double date.

 

“A.. double date?” asked Seokmin.

 

Jihoon looked a bit confused as well. Apparently it was something Soonyoung thought of on his own.

 

“Yeah, you’re picking up Seungkwan today, right? Let’s all go together!”

 

“I mean… I guess we can. Are you okay with that, Jihoon?”

 

“Whatever,” he muttered, not looking at him. Seokmin was sure the boy had something against him, but he still could not figure out what it was.

 

Soonyoung smiled and put a hand on each of their shoulders. “Great! Double date it is!”

 

So when school was over, the three of them walked together to Seungkwan’s school. Soonyoung seemed like the only one who was all that excited for their double date, giggling to himself half the time. Seokmin was in front, leading the way, while Soonyoung and Jihoon were close behind him. He looked back a couple of times to interact with them, but mostly faced the front. He could hear laughter behind him, and short whispers following. Seokmin was all too conscious of it, but he wouldn’t be a third wheel for long. When the boys reached the school, they made a small circle to face each other while waiting for Seungkwan.

 

“Isn’t this… a private school? When did you have time to ever meet anyone from here?” asked Jihoon sounding mostly apathetic.

 

“Yeah! You never told me how you met him either! I want to know too.” said Soonyoung, sounding much more interested.

 

“I met him by chance, really. It’s a funny story, actually. I was in town to pick up… things for an errand, and saw that Seungkwan in a bit of trouble, so I helped him out.”

 

Jihoon looked even less disinterested than before. “I don’t see how that’s funny…”

 

“Ah, well… maybe not,” Seokmin chuckled awkwardly.

 

“Was it love at first sight?”

 

Soonyoung looked at him with curious eyes.

 

“What? Soonyoung, no! Of course not! I don’t believe in that stuff,” Seokmin gave Soonyoung a slight nudge for the ridiculous question, and he could have sworn he saw a quick glare coming from Jihoon.

 

Just then, Seungkwan came, waving brightly as usual. “Hey  _ my darling  _ Seokmin, Soonyoung, and… and… uh, who’s this?”

 

Seokmin gave him a hug as a greeting and put an arm around his shoulder. “That’s Jihoon. He’s Soonyoung’s boyfriend.”

 

Seungkwan gasped and said in awful English, “ _ What? I don’t believe it! Congratulations!” _

 

Jihoon looked at Seungkwan. then at Soonyoung. “Is he always like this?”

 

“You’ll get used to it soon enough,” said Seokmin with a smile.

 

As planned by Soonyoung, the four of them went on a double date. They went into a cafe and sat down at the booths. Seokmin and Seungkwan sat on one side, while Soonyoung and Jihoon sat in another. After looking at the menu for a few minutes, Seungkwan ordered a large strawberry parfait to share with Seokmin. Soonyoung ordered a cheesecake, and Jihoon ordered a triple chocolate cake. Seokmin was slightly surprised that Jihoon ordered something so sweet, since it didn’t seem to match his personality. Jihoon must have noticed, because he mouthed ‘shut up’ in his direction. 

 

When their desserts arrived, Soonyoung and Seungkwan were heavily engaged in conversation. They got along very well, which didn’t surprise Seokmin. Both were easy to talk to and very talkative.They even had a conversation about the best things to put in kimbap. They didn’t even notice that their long-awaited food had arrived. 

 

Jihoon said nothing and started eating his cake. Seokmin took a spoon and scooped up some ice cream, not forgetting the whipped cream and a strawberry, and brought the spoon to Seungkwan’s mouth. His own mouth was open as if to demonstrate to Seungkwan to open his. When Seungkwan noticed the large whipped dessert in front of him, he briefly stopped talking and took the spoon and all of its contents into his mouth. His eyes widened in glee and he shrugged his shoulders cutely at Seokmin. Seokmin smiled gently and wiped the corner of his mouth, where some whipped cream was, and Seungkwan blushed, either from Seokmin’s actions or from embarrassment.

 

Soonyoung saw this and turned his head toward Jihoon. He opened his mouth expectantly. Jihoon at this time was about to put cake into his mouth, but he paused, looking at Soonyoung with the corner of his eye. He sighed.

 

“Just once.”

 

He fed the piece of cake on his fork to Soonyoung, who chewed with a smile. Jihoon then continued eating his cake, but looked away from Soonyoung. Seokmin could see a tinge of pink in his cheeks. He didn’t speak the remainder of the time, but that wasn’t unusual. Seokmin wondered if there was a limit to how much he could speak in a day before getting tired. 

 

When the group finished eating, They decided to go to Seungkwan’s house. It wasn’t that far off, and it was the largest. Not to mention, it was free of other people as it always was. Seungkwan was delighted offer his home as a place to hang out. When then approached the building, Soonyoung stopped.

 

“Wait, we’re going in  _ there? _ ”

 

Seokmin looked back at him. “Yeah, Seungkwan lives here.”

 

Jihoon slipped an arm around Soonyoung’s and dragged him forwards. “What did you expect? He goes to a  _ private _ school. For rich kids.”

 

Soonyoung was amazed, looking at every corner of the lobby, then the elevator, then the lobby. Finally, they reached Seungkwan’s unit. He entered the passcode to get in, and opened the heavy door. 

 

“ _ Welcome everyone! _ This is my home!”

 

The boys took off their shoes and Soonyoung ran inside. There was a large window with a wonderful view of the city. Soonyoung pressed his hands and face against it.

 

“Wow…”

 

“You know, that’s actually a door.”

 

Seungkwan pulled on the edge, sliding the glass to the side. A breeze entered the room. It was truly a nice place, especially for a high schooler.

 

“Hey, I have an idea, let’s spend the night,” said Soonyoung after exploring every bit of the place.

 

Seokmin frowned a bit at the comment. “Soonyoung, you shouldn’t invite yourself over to someone’s place, especially if you don’t know them well.”

 

“What do you mean I don’t know him? We’re buddies, aren’t we? And besides, I’m friends with you, and you’re close to him, aren’t you? What do you say Seungkwan?”

 

“I don’t mind.”

 

“See? Seungkwan doesn’t mind!”

 

“But it’s also a school night.”

 

“So?”

 

“Actually,” Jihoon spoke softly. “I agree. It’s a school night, and there’s a test tomorrow that I want to study for…”

 

Soonyoung understood, but was adamant about them staying a night here.

 

“Okay, I guess you guys have a point. But then how about the weekend? Let’s stay the night Friday! How does that sound?”

 

The boys looked at each other, nodding in silent agreement. Soonyoung smiled in victory. 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Soonyoung would not stop talking about how he was excited for Friday. It wasn’t even that far away, but he acted as if it would be a month of waiting for the day to come. On Friday morning, when Seokmin and Soonyoung were walking to school, Soonyoung was bright and cheerful the entire time. He even brought a duffel bag filled with enough things to last for three days. Seokmin, on the other hand, hand nothing more than his school bag. While Seokmin made fun of Soonyoung now, he knew he would have to ask for an extra change of clothes from him later. 

 

When they stepped into the classroom, Jihoon was already there. When Seokmin and Soonyoung got closer, they could see that he had an extra bag with him, resting by his feet. It seems that he packed much more reasonably than either of the other two.

 

Soonyoung poked Jihoon’s cheek, teasing him. “I knew it, you were excited for this too.”

 

“Shut up.”

 

“That’s not very friendly, especially to your boyfriend,” Soonyoung said while sulking.

 

Jihoon looked at him, but his frown wasn’t going away. He sighed and turned away, holding a fist to Soonyoung’s chest. Soonyoung stared at it for a few seconds, blinking to try and figure out what he was doing.

 

“Jihoon?”

 

“Put out your hand.”

 

He did as he was told, and cupped his hands below Jihoon’s fist Jihoon opened his hand, and a small sweet fell into Soonyoung’s hands. It was a strawberry-flavored hard candy. The kind that Jihoon was seen eating occasionally. Soonyoung was touched by his gift.

 

“For me?”

 

He opened it quickly and popped it in his mouth. “Thanks Jihoon!”

 

“Why are you so excited for such a little thing,” he mumbled quietly. While Soonyoung was busy devouring his sweet, Seokmin was calm enough to hear it. He could tell that Jihoon liked Soonyoung much more than he let on. Soonyoung seemed like he was mostly just having fun, but Jihoon was definitely serious. And it was later that day that Seokmin discovered that it was why Jihoon was never very amiable with him.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Seokmin was on the patio outside, looking at the night view of the city. Soonyoung made it his mission to explore every corner of the condo, again and again in amazement, and then try to cook a meal in the luxurious kitchen. Seokmin couldn’t tell where he got the idea, since he barely ever even made rice at home. While Soonyoung was going crazy in the kitchen, Seungkwan trailed along, supervising him and making sure he doesn’t destroy the house. It was a good thing they got along. It made everything more enjoyable.

 

Seokmin just took a short break from the noise. He closed the sliding door so that only muffles of Soonyoung and Seungkwan could be heard. While he was alone, he thought about things. The way things were now between him and Soonyoung, and him and Seungkwan. He wasn’t unhappy with how things were, but it just seemed like a part of just didn’t fit. He could still feel the occasional guilt when he caught himself staring at Soonyoung a bit too long, especially when he was with Seungkwan. 

 

He came to love Seungkwan, really. He was happy with him. But…

 

_ But he just isn’t Soonyoung… _

 

Seokmin heard the door slide open, temporarily letting out Soonyoung and Seungkwan’s uncontrollable loudness, before it closed again.

 

“Hey, Jihoon.”

 

“...”

 

Jihoon put his hands on the railing and swung his body back and forth. 

 

“The view’s great, huh?”

 

“...”

 

Seokmin sighed, giving up trying to converse with him. He didn’t dislike the boy, but it was a bit difficult when it was just the two of them together. There was some sort of tension that was always there.

 

“I know how you feel about Soonyoung.”

 

Seokmin froze briefly, but then tried to laugh it off. “What are you talking about?”

 

Jihoon glared. “Don’t try to play dumb. You’re more obvious than you think.”

 

Seokmin’s jaw dropped a bit. He composed himself and looked through the glass door at the two boys still making a ruckus, then back to Jihoon.

 

“I… I...” He couldn’t think of anything to say. “Sorry…”

 

“Just don’t try anything, okay? Both of them have such a thick skull that neither will ever find out, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t watch yourself.”

 

Seokmin put his head down, feeling much more guilty now that someone found out about his feelings. He just listened as Jihoon spoke.

 

“He’s mine. He may have met you first, but that doesn’t mean you’re entitled to do what you want. And just so you know, he only has feelings for me.”

 

“I.. I know…”

 

“Remember that.”

 

Jihoon seemed to have depleted all of his will to speak for the day. After he stared at Seokmin in silence, he returned indoors. Seokmin could see through the glass that he immediately went to Soonyoung and gave him a hug, which Soonyoung, while surprised, gladly accepted.

 

Seokmin settled himself a bit, and he returned inside as well.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

**Soonyoung’s POV**

 

Soonyoung woke up from the cold. His blanket disappeared somewhere, and he tried looking for it with his feet, not bothering to open his eyes. When it lead to nowhere, he slowly opened his eyes to look for it, then saw a body in front of him. Seokmin’s. He was facing away from Soonyoung, but the boy could easily tell who it was. They had been best friends for years, after all. Soonyoung was glad that he was good friends again with him. There was that short phase where they seemed less close than before, but everything was better again. Not only that, but they were both going somewhere in their love life. That was an accomplishment. Sure, he missed the days when it was just him and Seokmin, but he wasn’t complaining now.

 

Seokmin then rolled over on his side so that he was facing Soonyoung, and the space between them closed tremendously. Soonyoung wasn’t expecting it and froze. He didn’t know why he was getting nervous. It’s not like he was doing anything wrong. He was just awake while the others were asleep.

 

Soonyoung looked up at Seokmin’s face. It was barely four inches away from his, and he could see all of his features. He looked at his peaceful face and noticed that Seokmin was actually pretty good looking. It’s not that Soonyoung didn’t know this, but seeing his face up close, it was the only thing he could think of. It was like he was seeing Seokmin for the first time. It was a face he saw all the time, by why did it look so unfamiliar?

 

Soonyoung looked at his lips. Right, Seokmin’s first kiss was taken by some boy. What was that boy thinking when he kissed him? What compelled him to do such a thing? How did he feel about it? Soonyoung couldn’t help but ask such questions that couldn’t be answered. He found himself wondering what it would have been like. Unconsciously, he inched closer.

 

He could feel a warm, soft touch on his lips. He was kissing Seokmin, and he didn’t hate it. He closed his eyes for a second. His hand started moving towards Seokmin’s face, about to caress it. But then, his snapped out of his dreamy state.

 

His eyes shot open and he jerked away from Seokmin. What was he doing to his best friend? How could he? He just betrayed his trust by stealing a kiss in his sleep. And he wanted to do more. So much more. Soonyoung could feel his eyes water with hot tears, and his vision blurred. The tears rolled off the side of his face, and he could see Seokmin clearly again.

 

_ Ah, so that’s it. _

 

_ I’m in love with Seokmin… _

 

He cried silent tears. He didn’t realize just how much he loved him. Not as a friend, but more. How stupid was he for not realizing all this time? And then, he remembered.

 

_ Jihoon. _

 

He quickly sat up and turned toward Jihoon to find him sleeping peacefully as well. Soonyoung swallowed, but the guilt stayed in his throat. He covered his face, letting the tears fall.

 

“I’m so sorry, Jihoon,” he whispered. “I’m so sorry…”

 

His muffled sobs must have been a bit louder than he thought, because the next thing he knew, someone was embracing him. He knew it was Jihoon by his touch. No one was more gentle than he was.

 

Soonyoung wrapped his arms around the small body and continued crying, but nothing made the guilt go away. He pushed Jihoon away a little to adjust his position, then pulled him back in for a kiss. Jihoon kissed him back, not resisting, letting him do as he wanted. The tears continued to fall, and Soonyoung could taste the salt on their lips.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Soonyoung and Seokmin just mended their drifting relationship, but now Soonyoung was threatening to pull it apart again. Now, he was the one avoiding Seokmin, using Jihoon as an excuse. He left early to go to school to meet Jihoon on the way, and go home with Jihoon. If Seokmin asked to hang out, he would say that he was with Jihoon, whether he was or not.

 

Soonyoung just couldn’t face Seokmin again. Not after his realization, and not after what he did no Jihoon. That night at Seungkwan’s Jihoon never heard Soonyoung apologizing to him and was just woken up by his crying. Soonyoung swore that he would never tell him. Not while they were still together.

 

The guilt made him stray away from Seokmin. He couldn’t look him in the eyes anymore. He couldn’t goof off with him much, nor could he discuss important things with him. Such as what he planned to do after high school.

 

The guilt also made it hard for him to leave Jihoon’s side. He liked Jihoon a lot, but he knew that Jihoon liked him much, much more. It was unfair of him to continue this relationship, but he couldn’t just break it off. So instead, he committed to be good to Jihoon until Jihoon himself decides to break up. If Jihoon wanted to be with him forever, the Soonyoung would let it happen.

 

Since he hadn’t been talking to Seokmin as much, he confided more often to Jihoon. With high school nearing its end, he thought about the future a lot. He thought about where he would go to college, where he would live, what kind of career path he wanted to go along. Jihoon seemed like he knew what he was doing. He was planning to go to a specialty school for music. Specifically for music production.

 

Soonyoung, on the other hand, was lost. He didn’t even know if we wanted to go to college. Maybe he would find a job right away. He wondered what Seokmin was planning on doing. He would know if he talked to him, but he didn’t. With every passing day, he spoke to him less and less. With every passing day, he could feel their friendship tearing apart, so much so that it seemed to be barely hanging on by a thread. Thinking about the future was one thing. Thinking about Seokmin was another.

 

The days continued to pass on like this, and before Soonyoung knew it, graduation came.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

It was over, finally. The hours of boring lecture, the awful homework assignments, the stressful tests, the reading assignments, all of it. Soonyoung felt so free.

 

He ended up opting for a job rather than college. He figured he would be happier that way. He was also going to live with his parents until he had enough money to move out. 

 

As for Jihoon, he was still going out with him. The school Jihoon was going to wasn’t far, but it wasn’t close either. They promised to see each other every weekend.

 

As for Seokmin, by now, he didn’t speak to him ever. He didn't know what he planned to do in the future. He didn't even know what he would be doing on the weekend. It pained him to do this to himself, but he couldn’t help it. Since it was graduation, he could at least say goodbye… but he didn't. And it was something he regretted for the longest time afterwards. 

 

He regretted it, but still, he didn't contact Seokmin ever again. 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

**Seokmin’s POV**

 

Years have passed, and Seokmin was now a salaryman. It wasn’t much of an accomplishment after getting a degree, but he had a stable job, so he didn’t complain. Being in the company, he had to learn how to drink for company outings, and by now, he drank well.

 

He was in a bar by himself, for no particular reason really. He drank alone sometimes, enjoying the loose feeling it gave him. It was so different than when he first drank in high school. 

 

Seokmin smiled as he remembered how disgusted he was with the taste. Now, he could down it with no problems. He remembered how it was that night that changed his relationships with the people around him. Particularly Soonyoung. 

 

What even happened between them? He recalled that their friendship became unstable, but everything seemed good again. But at some point, something happened, and Seokmin still didn’t know what it was. He remembered the warning Jihoon gave him that night they all slept over at Seungkwan’s. He didn’t even have to try heeding the warning, because Soonyoung stopped talking to him soon after that. Was it because of Jihoon? Did Jihoon tell Soonyoung to stay away from him?

 

Seokmin could feel the alcohol affecting him. That was okay though, because he was alone. There was no one to ramble to. He couldn’t make a mistake.

 

“Seokmin… is that you?”

 

Seokmin turned around. Was Soonyoung standing in front of him, or was he to drunk to see right? That couldn’t be right. He barely had anything to drink yet.

 

“Soonyoung?”

 

The man in front of him smiled brightly.

 

“It  _ is _ you! Mind if I sit down?”

 

Seokmin shook his head, and Soonyoung sat on the stool beside him. He ordered a drink for himself, and Seokmin looked at him, still not sure if he was real.

 

Soonyoung started speaking. It was like they had been friends the whole time. There was no discomfort between them. When Seokmin realized it wasn’t a dream, he participated in conversing as well. They talked about a lot of things that happened, and Seokmin could feel something warming up in his chest. It could have been the alcohol, or maybe it was the feelings that were long lost with their friendship.

 

“How’s Seungkwan?”

 

“Oh…”

 

Seokmin remembered what happened a couple years ago. When he broke Seungkwan’s heart. He was happy with their relationship, but it was unfair to Seungkwan. He couldn’t give his entire heart to him, no matter how he tried, and he really did try. When he realized that there would always be a spot for Soonyoung, he had to give Seungkwan up. He loved him, but he couldn’t keep doing what he was doing. He wished for Seungkwan to find someone else. Someone better than Seokmin, and someone who could love him with his entire heart. Seokmin just couldn’t be that person. Even when Seungkwan was in tears, clinging on to him, begging not to do it, he had to. When Seungkwan asked what he did wrong, Seokmin couldn’t say anything. When Seungkwan said he would change to be better for Seokmin, Seokmin had to walk away to hide his tears. He loved Seungkwan, but Seungkwan deserved so much better. He would never forgive himself for hurting him so much, and never showed his face in front of him again.

 

“We broke up a while back,” he said after recalling his memory.

 

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that…”

 

“No… it was bound to happen eventually.. Well anyways, what about Jihoon?”

 

Soonyoung smiled fondly.

 

“We’re doing really well, actually. We moved in together last year.”

 

“Oh, congratulations,” Seokmin with a smile. 

 

He was glad that they were doing well. There were still times that he wished it was him by his side, but nothing would change the fact that he wasn’t. That it was Jihoon he loved, not him. And he just had to accept that.

 

Soonyoung looked sullen suddenly. He played with the empty shot glass in front of him. 

 

“I’m sorry for being a horrible friend. I don’t even know why you put up with me, or why we are talking so calmly right now. You should be mad at me… Why aren’t you?”

 

Soonyoung looked at Seokmin with sorrowful eyes. Seokmin smiled gently at him.

 

“I was a pretty awful friend too. Makes us even I guess.”

 

“But you didn’t just shove me away like I did to you! What I did was so much worse. Be angry at me!”

 

“I can’t.”   
  


“I deserve it!”

 

“No.”

 

“Seokmin!”

 

“I’m not mad at you.”

 

“... why?”

 

Seokmin sighed and closed his eyes.

 

“It’s been a long time Soonyoung. I got over it.”

 

“That can’t be the only reason…”

 

“You’re right.”

 

“What else, then.?”

 

“I loved you, Soonyoung. And not just as a friend.”

 

Soonyoung’s eyes widened with disbelief. He froze for a few seconds.

 

“... what?”

 

“And I still probably do. But I’m not going to try to get between you and Jihoon.”

 

Soonyoung still stared at him, not moving.

 

“Well, now you know. I’m glad I got to see you again, Soonyoung. I missed you.”

 

Seokmin paid for his drinks, as well as Soonyoung’s, before getting up to leave. 

 

“Bye, Soonyoung.”

 

Seokmin turned around, ready to leave, but by then, Soonyoung snapped out of his state of shock and grabbed onto Seokmin’s arm. His head was down.

 

“Wait…”

 

Soonyoung looked up at Seokmin, and his grip tightened. His eyes watered and his voice faltered.

 

“I… I… I’m so sorry…”

 

Seokmin gently removed Soonyoung’s hand and patted him on the head.

 

“Yeah, me too.”

 

He showed a pained smile and then left. He left Soonyoung behind, as well as any lingering attachment he had left for him. It was the last he would ever see him.

 

_ Goodbye, Soonyoung. _

 


End file.
